Chosen Grace

This post is coming to you at the beginning of a new month, but is truly a summary of how God worked for me throughout July. I pray you enjoy it!

As summer dwindles down and I prepare to start a new chapter of my life, there are a lot of things that I look forward to. I look forward to graduate school and seeing how it will develop my passions. I look forward to seeing my younger siblings graduate from college and highschool in the coming years. And more importantly, I’m excited to see myself grow more and more as a person- especially in the letting go department.

While I have all of this excitement now, this was not how I was feeling during the earlier parts of July. You see, July was full of challenges for me. While challenges aren’t new to my walk with Christ- I am starting to see how some challenges and trials are the same- they just present themselves in a different form.

As you continue reading, I must be brutally honest with you: July was extremely hard on my mental health.

I’ve shared with you all before that I have anxiety. And in the blog post Protecting Your Mental Space, I went into detail about how I found out I had anxiety in the first place.

Since then, I had been practicing ways of controlling it and not letting it get the best of me when it threatens to do so.

Usually when anxiety comes knocking at my door, I can easily avoid it and not even open the door. But this time- anxiety came in and moved into my home, making itself comfortable into every room in my house.

You see, the anxious thoughts I was carrying began to show up in physical forms. I was barely sleeping. I’m was irritable most days of the week. And it got so bad that it I had to go to the doctor two times for heart palpitations.

After going to the doctor the second time, I knew that something needed to change. So as I was talking to my mom about everything, she said these words:

“Malaysia- you’ve got to stop carrying and worrying about everything.”

Hearing these words changed my perspective. And they also opened up the doorway for God to lead me this verse:

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
‭‭—Matthew‬ ‭11:28-30‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Jesus spoke nothing but truth in these words. And I found nothing but peace in them.

You see, I was feeling anxious and heavy because I had decided to take on the heavy loads of those around me. There had been a lot going on in the world: political unrest, social changes, and just personal things I found myself thinking of 24/7. There was a lot I didn’t understand.

And while I was bringing those things to God, I wasn’t fully releasing those things to Him. Instead, I was holding onto and internalizing everything. I was unknowingly allowing those things to crush me as the weight was too heavy to bear.

Many of you reading this post could resonate with the things I’m saying. Maybe for you it’s trying to figure out your current life state or trying to see how certain things will work out.

Maybe it’s you worrying that you’re not god enough. Or not talented enough.

Maybe hearing all the sad stories on the news has you ready to just disappear.

Maybe you can be so stressed about trying to do the ‘right’ thing that you miss out on who God is calling you to be in this space and time.

In any case- there are times where we all feel the pressures of the world threaten to crush us. And if you are like me- it isn’t fun. Feeling uptight and anxious isn’t the way we were designed to live.

Even if this is you right now, I want to encourage you all that even during times where we are deciding to take on so much weight, God covers us in love and gently reminds us to lay our burdens down.

Jesus came, was crucified, was buried, and rose again so that we can be free. Because of that, we can lay aside every weight and run the race we’ve been given (Hebrews 12:1, Philippians 3:12).

And if the month of July didn’t teach me anything else- it taught me to truly lay things down. And this has been a glorious thing to do.

I’m so obsessed with letting go of things now that I even cut out music that doesn’t suit who I’m growing gracefully to be. And let me tell you- I’ve never felt freer.

God has shown me that the only way I’ll be able to live as He called me to is if I truly let go and let Him do the work.

As this post comes to an end, let me say it again : I gotta lay some burdens down.

If it’s not gonna be positive for me, I have to lay it down.

If it’s gonna hinder me in any way, I have to lay it down.

If it’s just doing to make me loose sleep, I have to lay it down.

Why? Because I know that only The One Who Knows My Soul is strong enough to carry me and take the heaviness is burdens away from me. Only He can fully take on the weight of the world and still be sane.

Lay your burdens down today, friends. I promise you it’s better than keeping all that weight on your back.

With love and freedom,

Malaysia