Chosen Grace

Hello Everyone!! So, March is coming to a close and to end this very special month, I would like to talk about something that is very personal to me and dear to my heart. Happy reading 🙂

I love to sing. I started singing when I was seven years old and then I joined my church’s youth choir—and it has been on and popping ever since then.

I started college this past fall and that first month was great. I loved the people I met and I especially loved (and still do) love being apart of the gospel choir on my campus.

But, one day in late October, one of my good friends said this to me: “Malaysia, you know I don’t hear you sing like you used to.” 

Upon hearing this statement- I froze for a second. My initial reaction was one of being completely shocked. And that I was. But, as I came out of that shock into realization- I realized that my friend was indeed right- I had stopped singing. And then I came to realize why.

This past September, my father passed away. He was not apart of my life when I was growing up, but he was still my father. And I loved him. And his passing still hurt me to my core.

So, I then began my grieving process. This process was not (and will never be) easy. It hurt. And in that hurt, I unknowingly walked away from many things….singing being one of them.

Now, I still sang with the gospel choir at my university. But my singing had lost its passion and its purpose. In that same sense- I had lost my sense and purpose in life.

I was lost. 

And as God began to reveal this lostness unto me, He began to show me things I had done since my father’s passing. In those short few months since his passing, I had become distant from some, mean to others, and faking my happiness. For months I had buried my hurt and grieving into my schoolwork….running from the pain.

It hurt me to realize these things about myself- but believe me when God reveals something in you- He’s gonna mold it to work for your good. And that’s exactly what He did in me.

When winter break came around and I was home alone- I began to do some deep digging with God. I spent tons of time in the Word and I let God work in my grief instead of trying to run from it. I had begun the process of truly becoming whole.

And so, I did. I began letting go of certain things and allowed God to fill my life with His precious peace and light. Like the prodigal son Jesus talks about in the gospel of Luke, I returned home. 

I was found. And I thank God every day for allowing me to return back into His arms.

God showed me that although my earthly father had passed away, my Heavenly Father will always be there–to infinity and beyond. Granted, I won’t ever be fully over the passing of my father, but every day it gets a little easier to keep walking in faith.

To conclude, I  want to encourage you to let God mold your heart during hard times. Because He will set some wonderful things in motion if you do. It’s a hard thing to do, but remember God can turn beauty into ashes (Isaiah 61:3).

Oh yeah- my singing is back and in full swing! You can catch me singing to some good ole 90’s R&B, jazz, and/or gospel music. Whatever I’m singing, I do it with passion and purpose. I do it with joy.

Thank you for letting me be transparent with you all.

With a newfound love for singing, transparency, and being found,

Malaysia 🙂